It Would Be Easier to Be Crazy

Posted by Melina and Denise , Wednesday, May 1, 2013 11:55 AM

You know what I mean, just completely bat-shit crazy. Drooling in my shoes, nothing medically wrong but just completely wackadoodle nuts. People have a certain respect for crazy. They call it 'eccentric' or 'unique' or 'creative'.

You know what they often don't have respect for? Actual diagnosed mental illness. I'm tired of people who should know better not having a clue. Insurance people questioning why I am not seeing a therapist. Guess what, bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance, and if I need talk therapy it will be with a psychiatrist who is also equipped to treat a medical condition. It is not a problem that will be solved if I just talk about my feelings and figure out if I was potty trained too soon.

"So, your doctor just gives you pills for it?" YES! If you are diabetic you will get insulin, if you have a thyroid problem you might get synthetic hormone. I have an imbalance, I get pills.

I was diagnosed 16 years ago, and have dealt with the repercussions of that diagnosis ever since. Even though I am well-managed, I still have times like now where I am incapacitated. It halts all progress towards my goals. I am open with people about my illness because if they don't hear it from me it becomes a secret that is whispered about. I accept that my credibility will go down the moment people find out. I would rather have it be out in the open.

The illness can be tough but I don't want pity; I want understanding. When that isn't possible I'll take simple acceptance.

But it would still sometimes be easier if I could just say I was crazy.

~ Denise